Round and Round the Clock Goes…

Dear Ryan,

We keep moving forward.  I want to just stop.  Stop the clock from ticking.  Stop time from moving forward.  Can I go back to the time and place where you existed?  Where your soul was on this Earth, with me?

The days are growing closer and closer to March 16; the worst day of my life. I’m not sure I’ll be able to go to work that day. It’s hard enough to go to work when the grief is overflowing inside of me. I suppose I’ll climb that mountain when I get there.

Mom and dad are leaving for their first cruise, since you left us, in about two months.  I think they are excited but scared.  The last cruise did not go well.  Well you know, the second day they were gone, you left us. I hope they do okay; they deserve a break from the busy day-to-day world. Somedays, I miss their old selves.  I swear dad and mom have both aged YEARS since this all happened. When I first saw dad after they got back from the cruise; he looked broken.  I mean, no light in his eyes; he was a ghost of his former self.  It broke my heart. It still breaks me. Mom is always moving, you know her; never taking a breath. So her brokenness is little more hid. But it’s there.

It’s hard to imagine I’ve lived almost 1 full year without you on this Earth. It’s even harder to imagine living the rest of my days without you.  Your picture sits on my desk at work and is everywhere at home. When I’m feeling low at work, there is your smile reminding me to keep going strong; you’re with me always.

I love you Ryguy; I’ll live for you.

-Your Chessie


Author: flyhighryguy

I am sister without her baby brother, learning to live a new life.

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