I know it has been awhile since I wrote to you. Truth is, after the first anniversary of your death (that word leaves a nasty taste in my mouth) I felt…numb. Didn’t really feel much, to be truthful. Today for some reason, my chest hurts. It feels heavy, like I cannot take a full breath. I know grief comes in all shapes and sizes. I understand that, I do. Yet, it still surprises me when I get hit with a wave. Knocked from my feet. Staring up at the large tidal wave before me. I know the only way to get back on my feet, is to let the wave crash down over me. Let the water run over my shoulders, down my back, across my feet. Until…it’s washing back out to sea and I am able to make it to my feet again. & then I wait. I wait for the next wave. Sometimes it comes a few days later, sometimes weeks, and sometimes even months. But I know another wave will come. And I know I’ll get better at navigating them. Maybe one day I will be able to stand under the force of the water.
I miss you. Sometimes I can’t breathe because I miss you so much. I know someday we will be reunited. Save a place for me, Ryguy. I’ll see you soon.
Fly high, Ryguy. ❤